


Bad Timing

by CatrinHope



Series: Timing Series [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Bad Dumbledore, Death Eaters, First War with Voldemort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied Slash, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, James Bashing, Multi, Murder Mystery, Mystery, first wizarding war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-05-24 07:45:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6146482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatrinHope/pseuds/CatrinHope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. In Severus' OWL year he was arrested after being framed for four murders. Fates didn't smile on him then, they don't smile on him two years later when he was released. Instead of hunting down those who framed him like he planned, he is forced to fight in the first major wizarding war. The story of how Severus Snape became a Death Eater.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

AN; Hey, this is my first real attempt at fanfic so be kind. Also if you recognise any of the names, then they're not my characters.

There is no major slash in this, only minor and that only appears half way through. Romance really isn't in this not like it is in most fanfics, there is implied sex, but I think as smutty as this is going to get, sorry if that wasn't what you were looking for, otherwise, enjoy!

 

It was pouring down with rain as she looked upon the figure's soaked face. He took another step towards her and she took this as a sign that she could touch him. She laid a hand on his cold sallow cheek. Yes he was there, he was real. 'Just not yet.' Lily opened her eyes and sighed. It was bad enough that she was trapped inside Potter manor with nothing to do, now her mind was just tempting her to go outside. The visions had been a common thing, ever since she was ten, but sometimes she could never tell the difference between the vision and just her simple day dreaming. She rubbed her eyes, the weight in her gut reminding her of how much she truly missed her childhood friends, 'both of them,' She took her hands away from her face and rubbed them together despite the warmth. She couldn't risk going out, given her…status. She pursed her lips and looked out the window. She must have had them closed for a long time as it was now starting to rain heavily. She sat bolt upright, looking out of the window onto the acres surrounding Potter Manor and beyond them was the forest. The forest he'd appear out of. No it was a coincidence, she shouldn't risk it, but hell she was going to.

"It's raining," she said,

"Yes honey, I can see that." Her fiancé said, half distracted by the Daily Prophet in front of him. Only when she had got up and started to head outside did he look up. "Hey wait-" was all she heard before she was out the door and running into the downpour. She reached the forest where she knew he would step out. So she waited and waited and by now she was very cold and irritated, if he didn't show up soon she would-

There he was, he appeared as suddenly and as silently as ever. She started to wonder if she should have told James. What if he wasn't here to see an old friend? She stopped this train of thought when he stepped into the light. He looked old or at least older than expected. He had a growing beard where there had been no beard before. He had huge bags under his eyes; the eyes themselves seemed to have aged decades. But it was the same person. Same sallow skin, hooked nose and twisted smirk that was, at the moment, filled with relief. He stepped forward more of him now out of the dark. Yes, he was real this time.

"Hello Severus."

His smirk grew and he whispered, "Hello to you too,"

"I trust this is a friendly visit," she gave a small laugh, "I hope."

He smiled but with Severus you never knew if this was a good or bad sign.

"Yes it is, I merely wished to visit you, to tell you I was out,"

"Evidently," she said, looking him up and down. The clothes he was wearing were hanging off his frame loosely and were barely rags. "Come on, you must be freezing," she tried to put an arm around his shoulders. As soon as her arm touched his skin, he flinched and moved out of touching distance. She stopped walking, waiting for any signs of a panic attack or one of those mental illnesses she'd read about in her last year.

"I apologise, human contact hasn't really been a good thing in-" he seemed to realise in that moment, how long he had been in Azkaban, "two years," he said finally.

"It's ok," she forced a smile on to her face, "I understand," she added, absentmindedly, making a note to kill all those involved in putting Severus in Azkaban. Slowly they walked back up to the house and even more slowly Severus inched his way back to Lily's side.

"So..." she said breaking the silence, "when you say you got out, is that legally or... illegally?"

He smirked. "Legally,"

Lily didn't ask how, she knew he would tell her when he wanted to. It didn't take long.

"There is no way I could have committed all the crimes acquitted to me, the times were too close together, but all the evidence points to me, which means I was framed," he sneered, "Problem was they couldn't tell which ones I'd been framed for and which ones I'd actually done... but of course that didn't mean they didn't want to make me rot for..." his lips thinned, "two years."

"So, does that mean you're going to find out who framed you?"

He shrugged. "Perhaps, it would be nice to make them pay for what I had to suffer,"

Lily licked her lips anxiously, "But that's four murders, how are you-"

"Three,"

Lily stopped, eyebrows raised, wondering which one he had...

"You won't tell anyone... will you?" he tried to keep his voice neutral and bitter, but he was a fool to believe Lily couldn't tell he was worried. She had to smile at his foolishness.

"Do I look like a tiny golden ball with wings?"

His smirk grew wider and more twisted, "No,"

"Good, 'cause that would be weird. You have no idea who framed you then?"

He shook his head and Lily let out a shaky breathe as she opened the back door to let him in. He shook his matted hair of raindrops like a dog, while Lily called out, "James I'm back. And I've… I've brought a visitor."

James looked up from the Daily Prophet he had been reading. It was just another paper filled article upon article about the rising tensions between Purists and Muggleborns and how war was going to break out any day now. And James couldn't wait, not that he wanted Muggles to suffer, it was that he really wanted to kick some pureblood ass. What he wouldn't give to put Siri's stuck-up cousins into Azkaban where they belonged.

"Who is it?" he called, heading into the kitchen where his fiancée voice had come from. There standing next to Lily, was a much older looking Severus Snape. He whipped out his wand as he felt a jolt go through his heart of both fear and anger. Snape did the same, his eyes narrowing. 'He couldn't know, could he?'

"Now both of you!" Lily began scowling, "Put your wands down!"

"Lily step away from him, he's a murderer!"

"He's my friend!" Lily retorted, "He was framed,"

James felt in a lump form in his throat,

"Do...do you know who?"

"No," Snape said simply, before lowering his wand, and after a glare from Lily, James did the same.

"Now Severus is just here to say hello and we're going to be good hosts, so," she clapped her hands together and smiled at Snape, "Severus would you like to sit down?"

The Potter Manor was smaller than most pureblood Manors, so the living room was also small, almost Muggle sized, but that made it no less luxurious; it had bending floor boards under foot, plush furniture and a huge hearth. Snape surveyed it all before sitting on the armchair and picking up the Daily Prophet James had been reading. He glared at Snape, but he took no notice, now engrossed in an article about the dangers of the Dark Arts. He only looked up when Lily said,

"So... you want anything? A drink? Something to eat? Anything at all?"

"Perhaps an exit?" If looks could kill James would have keeled over at the sight of the daggers Lily sent at him.

"Some soup would be nice, thank you," Lily's glare turned into a smile, yet it was still directed at James, which made him believe he was now in even more trouble.

"Well you heard the man go make him some soup," and before he could protest, Lily had bustled him out the door and had shut it in his face. He stared at the door incredulously before turning around, cursing that his wife hated the use of house elves.

Severus folded the newspaper back up as Lily sat down beside him after she'd got rid of Potter so they could talk. He looked over at her, with wary eyes before talking.

"What's been going on since I left?"

"Well... James proposed in seventh year which was nice, I got pretty good N.E.W.T. scores-"

"I meant about the war,"

"Oh," Lily felt disappointed; she didn't want to discuss this, not with Severus, "Well nothing has started yet, a lot of disappearances, no murders, so..." she shrugged, "But any day now. Have you spoken to anyone?"

"Because you know I had such an active social life in Azkaban," he said dryly, "No-one visited me, half of my friends think I murdered their loved ones, the other half didn't want to be associated with a murderer," he sighed, "Not at times like now...so what about you?" Lily raised her eyebrows confused, "Have you seen any of my friends... or family?" her eyes darkened, and shereally didn't want to discuss this.

"She and I chose different paths; I haven't spoken to her since fifth year,"

"Huh, same," he chuckled slightly, but Lily didn't find it amusing. "Look don't you think that-" he stopped as James entered the room with a steaming bowl of soup. He seemed very tempted to just throw it in his face if it weren't for Lily's eyes watching him.

"Soup," he stated as he held it out to Severus,

"Well observed Potter," he drawled, but grabbed the bowl and drank from it like a starving man, which he probably was.

"Thank you," he muttered, putting the now empty bowl down.

"Now you can leave."

"James!"

"What I don't like him in my house, I mean, what's he even here for?"

"I've told you, to say hello,"

"Okay how did he get through the wards?" Lily sat facing James before turning round to face Severus. He surveyed the two of them before stating,

"That's for me to know and you to not,"

"How did you know I was here?" Lily asked, now curious.

"Your sister told me, Rose came to get me out once they released me." James, who had no interest in where the conversation was now going, shook his soon-to-be-wife's arm until she looked at him, so he could continue his argument,

"How can you be friends with him, after what his family has done to you?"

Lily's eyes flashed, "He's not his sister,"

"I beg to differ," James said laughing slightly as Severus glared at him, unnoticed by the other.

"Still not his sister! And can we all stop bring Samantha up?" She glared at Severus; "Anyway," she turned her daggers back to James, "In times like this we need to keep our friends, no matter how unlikely they are." Lily said nothing; instead she leaned back on the sofa, her eyes rolling unto her head. Both men tensed, knowing what this meant. Lily did this when she was Seeing. It was usually something important, something big, but that didn't mean-

"Turn on the radio," Lily said suddenly. James leaned forward and turned the dial of the radio on the coffee table.

"Breaking news! This morning on his way to work, Rupert Balding, Head Auror was murdered by a killing curse sent by a man that was described by eye witnesses to be a pale man with red eyes, who was surrounded by men in black hooded cloaks and silver masks. He announced to the horrified crowd that his name was Lord Voldemort, his actual identity is still unknown, and the men surrounding him were his so-called Death Eaters. After a large and somewhat cliqued proclamation of pureblood rights, Voldemort went on to kill fourteen more people from the crowd that had gathered, before apparating, along with his Death Eaters." The reporter coughed, clearly uncomfortable at saying the silly names, "'This is an act of war,' the minister for Magic said in his office earlier this morning, 'And if this man wants war, he will have it. As of now we are at war against this man and his band of so called Death Eaters. If anyone sees one these Death Eaters as described, they mus-' James switched it off. War, it seemed much more frightening now it was actually upon them. He checked his wand holster to see if it was still there.

"That was foolish," James jumped forgetting that Snape was there. He had his wand out and for a moment James thought Severus was going to attack him. But he was only checking his wand, before putting it back in his pocket,

"What was foolish?"

"Him. Calling war, he had no idea how many Death Eaters there are, or how powerful they'll be, and they will be powerful, they'll be using Dark Magic, much better than your light magic,"

James' eyes narrowed. "Oh you'd know, you-"

"Potter this is not the time, we're at war,"

"That's not all," Lily whispered, "I Saw them, those Death Eaters, they're coming to our front door. They're here to kill us." James leapt up, wand in hand, trained on Snape.

"He led them here! He somehow broke the wards without us knowing," he accused.

"I didn't break them, I got through them!"

"Stop James, he didn't do it,"

"And how do you know that?"

"It would make no sense, if he did break them we would know,"

"But he must have got through them somehow!"

"But Death Eaters will break them, just wait." It was unnerving how calm she was.

"How come you didn't see that we were going to be at war today?" he shouted, moving his wand onto Lily in panic.

"I did! Last week, I just didn't tell you because...well this would happen." He was about to retort when an alarm bell started ringing.

"They're broken the first ward," Severus said, getting up with his wand in hand. James jumped again and had his wand in Snape's face.

"Oh James, stop that!" Lily snapped, seeming a bit too calm, given the situation, as she drew her wand.

"Now go to the door, I'll be there in a minute, and Severus," she turned to Severus using her wand to emphasise her instructions.

"You got into our wards, now get out of them,"

"But I want to help you fight!"

Lily put a hand to his cheek, "They don't know what side you're on yet," his lips thinned, "Run Severus." By the time Lily got to the door, the Death Eaters had already undone three of the four wards surrounding the Manor and were now walking up to the front door. The four ward being the anti-apparation one, preventing their escape. Not that James wanted to run, he gripped his wand tighter, and he wanted to show these bastards who they were dealing with. He looked at Lily and saw that in her free hand was a dark green avocado shaped muggle object with a ring on top of it.

"What's that?" he hissed at her, but she was too busy casting a shield over them, "You know that type of shield doesn't protect you from spells right?"

"Of course I know that!" she snapped but still too calm given the situation, "That's the reason I'm casting it-don't!" she put her hand up when James opened his mouth, "It would take too long to explain, just trust me and keep them talking." James, being as stubborn as he was, was about to ask her what the hell she was doing anyway, when there came a knock from the door in front of them. This took them both by surprise, having not expected that purebloods hell-bent on killing muggles would be so polite. In shock James stupidly called out,

"Who is it?" He winced and Lily rolled her eyes.

"Potter, we know you're in there," someone called through the door, James, now holding back a retort about their stupidity. "And so is your Mudblood, if you bring her out and give her to us, we won't kill you," James bit his tongue at the unspoken threat of his fiancée's life. He looked at her, wondering how she could look so bored, she nodded at him and he called out,

"Alright, we're coming out."

There were six of them. Like described on the radio, they were all wearing black hooded cloaks and were wearing silver masks. The masks themselves had strong chins and high cheekbones, it somehow made James even more angry than the fact they were trying to kill his fiancée. Lily stood beside him, her jaw clenched but keeping a firm glare on the supposed leader. James looked at the one in front, was this Lord Voldemort?

"Hand over the Mudblood, Potter!"

"Never!" he spat,

"And what makes you think he even has the right, to hand me over?" Lily said offended,

"You should learn to hold your tongue Mudblood!" a man behind the leader shouted, threatening her with his wand. James tried to put himself in front of her, but Lily pushed him away again.

"Your foolish courage is what will end you Mudblood," the woman in front grounded out, "Just you-" Lily threw the muggle object, now ring free, into the group of Death Eaters. James tensed, but nothing happened.

"Your little tricks failed, hasn't it?" the woman said, and James could even hear her sneer.

Lily just shrugged. "I guess so,"

"Now-" but the woman was interrupted again as the muggle object somehow - James until his dying day would not know exactly how it worked – exploded. The Death Eaters were thrown out and their robes caught on fire, but Lily and James were safe inside their bubble.

"What in hell-"

"James if you're going to question everything about Muggles that confuses you, we might as well let the Purists win, now come on!" Lily had grabbed James and pulled him across the gravel path leading to the exit of the Potter territory and away from the wards. James started to wonder if now would be an okay time to reveal to Lily that he was an illegal animagus when a spell flew over his head, destroying one of the stone statues that lined the driveway. They twirled back around to see three of the Death Eaters, including the woman leader, who's mask had fallen away to reveal the deranged face of Bellatrix Black.

"I forgot you wizards are so robust," Lily muttered, while silently stupefying one of the Death Eaters. Bellatrix, looking as furious as ever, shot a spell at Lily which was promptly deflected. And so the fight began, James would have happily watched Lily fight as he found it weirdly exhilarating, if it wasn't for the other, still masked, Death Eater that was throwing curse after curse at James. He didn't seem to be at the same level as Bellatrix, who seemed to be trying to kill Lily as creatively as Lily was trying to disarm her. The man was just sending the same fire curse, and James finally got to project it back at the right angle so it hit him, setting his fire smoking robes on fire.

"Vermillious!"

Lily fell to the ground in pain as James successfully stupefied the distracted Death Eater,

"Lily!" he fell to the floor beside her. Only too late did he realise his error, in his haste he had dropped his wand and now Bellatrix was looming over them.

"Avada-" A blinding flash of light in front of James blocked the curse and sent Bellatrix flying backwards. James took his chance and seized his wand off the floor again, but by the time he'd turned around Bellatrix had gone, along with four other Death Eaters. 'Odd,' he turned back to Lily and the pile of ash that had a tiny ugly chick's head peeping out of it,

"Fawkes," Lily uttered, taking heavy breaths but otherwise seemed unharmed. She pointed at a locket that was protruding out of the ash, still finding it hard to talk she choked out the word, "Portkey."

James nodded, though confused, yet he still scooped up the baby Fawkes and grabbed hold of his fiancée. There was a pull at his navel and moments later he found himself on a warm stone floor next the frayed boots of Severus Snape.

 

Please Review, will be uploading again in a week!


	2. Chapter 2

Next Chapter! I think I forgot to say in the other that although this is a AU it will get mostly follow the books timeline. So everyone who dies will die, Snape will be at Hogwarts teaching at the end and all OC mentioned will probably die or go missing or something like that. With that said, major OOC in this chapter and mentions of OCs, probably some other stuff but I can't remember. Hope you enjoy!

 

"Glad to see you could stop by Potter," Snape drawled above him. James just ignored him as he pulled Lily, who still had a hand over her stomach, to her feet. When he looked back at the floor for Fawkes though, he was nowhere to be seen.

"Don't worry, Mr Potter," a kind familiar voice said, "no matter how weak Fawkes is, he will always find a way back to his perch."

He looked round to see the Headmaster of Hogwarts, stroking the baby Fawkes. He looked a lot older than when James had last seen him, graver. Even the pictures on the walls seemed alert and concerned, none of them feigning sleep. James swallowed, checking his wand.

"How did you know we were under attack?" Lily asked, through gritted teeth, lowering herself onto a chair.

Dumbledore smiled at her, then at Snape, "Our dear Severus told me. Somehow getting through the Hogwarts wards…it would be very interesting to know how you did it."

"My little secret Dumbledore."

"Pity," he sighed, but didn't push him, instead turned to the other two, "Is there any information that you could give me about these… Death Eaters?"

"One of them is Bellatrix Black, Siri's cousins,"

Dumbledore didn't seem in any way surprised, "It is Lestrange now and she and her husband went into hiding after the war was announced and, like so many good witches and wizards, finding them is near impossible,"

James sighed, defeated that he couldn't give Dumbledore any good information, before he remembered, "There was a Death Eater left; they somehow all woke up and got out of there but they left-"

"They're dead," Lily spoke with sudden harshness, James turned to face her. She was now seemingly, trying to squeeze the life out of Snape's hand. Dumbledore seemed to only now just notice the pain Lily was in and promptly stood up.

"Where are my manners? Miss Evans, Madam Pomfrey will gladly see to you," he said as he helped her up and started to usher both James and Lily out.

"As your previous home is now a dangerous place to live, I have put my best House Elves in charge of moving all your things to a more…private home in Godric's Hollow. When I and Mr Snape have had our conversation we shall come down and show you to your new home," He then smiled his grandfatherly smile and shut the door. Only now did James let his worry for Lily take over as he rushed to her side to help her climb down the stairs.

"Are you alright?"

Lily glared at him, "Only when I collapse dead, will I allow you to worry about me, James Potter, I can take care of myself,"

He smiled slightly, "Do you think Dumbledore's going to try and convince him to join the light?" he asked looking back down the corridor at the eagle statue. Lily nodded. "How do you think he'll do that?" James muttered,

"You don't want to know," Lily muttered back, but too quietly for James to hear.

Severus stayed exactly where he was as Dumbledore closed the door and strode back round to his desk,

"Severus, please sit down," Dumbledore said kindly beaming at Severus. He sat down on the offered chair, "Sherbet Lemon?" Severus had always declined these whenever he was called up into Dumbledore's office. But now, as he looked down at the balls of sweetness, he realised he hadn't eaten anything sweet in…two years. He took one, put it in his mouth and promptly spat it out as the flavours burnt his tongue. Dumbledore barely batted an eyelid at this.

"Maybe just Pumpkin juice," Dumbledore said, as a glass appeared, still smiling that overly kind smile that sickened Severus. He wondered if Dumbledore had smiled that way during his trial, when they had wanted him to serve life. Severus at the time had been too afraid to look up at his accusers, he now stared one of them in the face, knowing he'd never feel emotions that strongly ever again. 'Azkaban took that from me, because of you, old man,'

Dumbledore steepled his fingers. "Severus, you are meant to be just a child, yet you are not, so I will speak bluntly with you. I need you on the light's side. I cannot have you becoming loyal to Lord Voldemort."

"Why does it matter?"

"Because he will kill countless numbers, you know that."

"All I know is he didn't try to sentence me to life in Azkaban."

Dumbledore sighed and closed his eyes,

"What makes you think I'll join your side?"

"Love."

"Love?" Severus chuckled, "I can't feel love anymore."

"Love isn't an emotion; it's a compulsion, an obsession. Love is what made you come here to tell me that Lily and James were in danger. And love is what will convince you to spy for the light."

"You want me to spy, how will you make me do that?" he asked, eyebrow raised.

"Boy," Dumbledore began. 'So much for treating me like an adult,' "this is my school and not a lot escapes my notice." Severus smirked at this; he had been expecting Dumbledore to use her against him.

"Lil's sister Rose told me that Johanna is now married to the Black mutt. Do you honestly think I still have any feelings for her?" he said with such disdain that he almost believed it himself. Almost.

"Yes she started going out with Sirius, almost as soon as you were arrested,"

'Is he now trying to torture me to the light side?' "Two months later she announced she was pregnant with Sirius' baby. Six months later she gave birth to a baby that shouldn't have been born for another three months." Severus sat up straighter, blood pounding in his ears, he couldn't be. Dumbledore couldn't be threating him with his own- "Now of course they have been moved to the safety of the Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix, but unfortunately to get in requires being a member,"

"And let me guess," Severus whispered, fury boiling in his gut, "to become a member…I must become a spy."

"I'm glad you understand me Severus," Dumbledore said, standing up, still smiling, yet now Severus thought it looked a lot more sinister. "I hope you see sense Severus. Your daughter is too nice a girl to never be able to see her father."

 

"So let me get this straight," Severus closed his eyes, begging God for some form of patience with Potter. He then opened his eyes and resumed shaving, "You're becoming a spy…why?"

Severus rolled his eyes, "Can't a man become a spy out of the goodness of his heart?"

"You can't." Severus glared at him until James put his hands up as a sign of surrender. Severus thought Potter would leave him alone after that. But of course, fate never shined kindly on Severus. "Why are you here?"

"I thought even a dunderhead such as yourself Potter could figure that out. I am clearly shaving."

"No, why are you here? Surely you have a home to go to."

"Potter-" he started to warn but was interrupted.

"I mean if you wanted to find this Voldemort, surely you'd start at the house of your crazed muggle hating pureblood parents," 'Potter always did have a death wish," 

"Actually Potter, my mother married a muggle, my father." He refused to mention that his older brother, if not his sister, had killed his father if they had wished to join Voldemort. 'Not that I loved him, the drunken fool.' Potter was now silent, thankfully, with his mouth open. Instinctively, Severus reached forward and shut it. The look of Potter's face was comical or at least would have been if it wasn't for the hurt Severus was feeling, 'You look more like your sister than you know Potter,' he thought, though did not say it out loud; he did not want a fist in the face today. He turned back around and started washing his face.

"I'm…sorry," Potter fell silent again as Severus dried his face, "so…what's your plan, to become a Death Eater?"

"Go back to my parent's house of course," he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world as he moved past James to find Lily.

"But you said-"

"I know what I said, I said that my parents aren't exactly Purists, but…you're right," he said the last two words through gritted teeth, "it's the best place to start looking." He then entered Lily's bedroom and shut the door in Potter's face. James stared at the door, wondering what the thing was with people slamming does in his face at the moment.

"Hey Lily, I'm heading- what is that?" he stopped, staring at the dazzlingly white dress that Lily was hanging off of the mirror,

"It's my wedding dress," her smile fell, "why? Does it look good? Well…does it?" Severus panicked unsure how proceed,

"I imagine it does," he said bored, knowing that he was stepping on eggshells, "I just didn't know you were getting married,"

She started beaming again, "Yeah soon too. You should come!"

"No he shouldn't," James shouted through the door but he was ignored.

"You could walk me down the aisle."

"But isn't that-" Severus stopped, remembering Mr Evan's state when he had last seen him. He quickly wrapped his arms around her, she seemed very surprised by the gesture, neither of them used to hugging one to another, but she still threw her arms around him.

"Has anyone…anyone else died since I was arrested?"

"Daisy."

Severus closed his eyes and hugged her closer. He had not known Daisy like he had known Lily and Rose, but he knew it must have been horrible for Lil.

She pushed away, "It's been a long time; I'm done with my crying Severus…and my anger." She put a hand to his cheek, "go." The bedroom door swung open and James entered, yet when he looked around the room, he could see no Snape, only Lily, next to the open window.

"He went out the window?" Lily turned to face him, smiling.

"That's how Severus used to visit me in the summer holiday, you see," she stepped towards the bed to continue unpacking, "my father never approved of him," she got out a handful of shirt.

"And what about Sniv- Samantha, when did you meet her?"

Lily looked him in the eye. Gone was the nostalgic look and the smile, there was only hatred, "It doesn't matter now."

 

Fuck Dumbledore, fuck the old coot. Severus huffed, taking another swig of the bottle of Jack Daniels he had acquired. He was standing on the old bridge that was built over the trash clogged stream below. If you went right, it would lead you to the park where he had first met Lily and Rose. If you went left, you went to Spinner's End. He couldn't go there, not yet, he was too sober. He didn't know about Frank but he was pretty sure Stanley and Samantha would have become Death Eaters and made an example of their father. His mother…he didn't know. But either way he had to go in and find any clue to where Stanley and Samantha were. His siblings were going to be Death Eaters; frankly everyone who knew them knew that. In school people said Samantha knew more curses in first year than half of the seventh years, and she hadn't been afraid to show it. It was for that reason that the lions took such a great interest in her, not even her being a Hufflepuff could save her. He remembered Stanley's face when she had been sorted there, he looked ready to kill, but Severus didn't care. He still loved his little sister, his sister who would never let him help her fight against those so called Marauders. He took another long draft of whiskey. His brother was different, for one, no one had ever beaten him up. In fairness, that was probably due to the fact he towered over everyone and his black eyes gave off a more, 'I could kill you with my bare hands,' vibe than an 'I'm dead inside,' one. Also he preferred dark creatures to dark spells. Their mother had said him loving them was he way of showing he missed his brother. His twin Frank had been bitten aged four, by a werewolf and taken away by the monster. Their mother hadn't been the same since. The magical creature teacher and most of his classmates believed it was because he could see past the ferocious exterior and see the beauty of the creatures. They were all wrong. Stanley loved the way he could control such a powerful animal and use it to torture others. He never had friends, unlike Samantha who would befriend anyone, it seemed pathetic and was another reason she was constantly tormented. He was also quiet, and for some reason that escaped him, this made his brother very attractive, and girls would often ask him out. Severus worried one day Stanley would accept one of their offers, he knew from experience, a body was difficult to get rid of. He took another swig. While his siblings had spells and creatures, he had potions. The black market in school practically revolved around him. He had been quiet and made the right friends, he didn't want anyone to know his great power with black magic, and he wasn't strong enough… foolish enough, to tell anyone. Of course that didn't mean he wasn't bullied, by Black especially. Though that was because of jealousy. Reg thought Severus made a better brother than Black ever could, though Black couldn't do much to Severus or face Stanley's wrath. It wasn't the same for Samantha; Stanley stopped acknowledging her existence once she was in Hufflepuff, his love was only shown by one incident in first year. There had been a sixth year who Severus only knew as the Bitch, who liked to torture animals. The Bitch had taken Samantha's cat and crucioed it. From what Severus had heard, Stanley had been walking down the corridor when this was happening, he had stopped and snapped the wailing cat's neck, before handing it back to Samantha, then continued on his way. The Bitch, so unfortunately had died in her bed a week later. There had been no evidence at all that she had been poisoned, or at least they couldn't detect any. Severus smirked as he put the bottle up to his lips again. He threw it to the ground when he found it empty. 'Well,' he thought, stumbling away from the railing, 'time to go home.'

Severus found it hard to stand up right as his legs started to shake. He knew the idea that he'd find his parents live and well was a long shot, but still, the realisation made him tremble. He hadn't even stepped inside yet, but the stench of human decay was enough to tell him what was inside. How could the neighbours stand it? The door swung open with ease, although Severus didn't remember pushing it. He didn't remember stepping inside either, but none of that mattered as he looked down at his mother's body. Her hair falling away in clumps, her body looked even smaller now as her flesh underneath rotted away and her skin had become translucent. He did not dare to look at her face. He didn't care if his father's body was in the room and after a few seconds he couldn't tell, due to the rivers of tears that were now streaming from his eyes. He knew at one point his mother had liked him best, following her passion in potions. But the dementors had taken that feeling of pride and comfort away from him and all he could remember was the look of disappointment and fear in his mother's eyes, when he had been found guilty.

"The accused has been found guilty of all charges,"

"No! No! I didn't kill them! I'm begging you!" he cried out to the blurry people above as his mask fell and the fear of the sixteen year old shone through. 

But they took no notice, "And is sentenced to life imprisonment in Azkaban." The gavel hitting the bench rang around the chamber, along with the jeers of the crowd and the freezing hands of the dementors took hold of him again. He looked wildly around for any support, any escape. His eyes fell on his mother who stood closest to the door opposite the one he was being dragged through. She had a single tear on her nose but refused to look up at him. He silently begged her, wishing he could say sorry, even if he had committed no murders. But she walked through doors, before giving him that last chance to say goodbye.

That was all that remained, nothing more. It was ice cold now, every shadow and object freezing. The rattling breath was catching up on him, it was always following him. He knew what would happen next. The memories. The memories of every dark and rainy day, of fear, regret. The doom and horror repeating itself over and over until all that was left was the black sheet of unconsciousness.

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	3. Chapter 3

So ...this is a weird one, I guess it's not OC but definite OOC, also sex...kind of... I'm not quite sure but this is the reason it's a M so, you've been warned! Otherwise enjoy!

Water was trickling through his hair, and at first he thought it was sweat but then he realised his head was half in a river. He looked up, it was morning now and he was no longer at home. He was now in the woodland area of the nearby park, which was very unimpressive. It had very sparse and thin trees and a dirty small river. His shook his head to rid it of the twigs, yet it just gave him a headache. He head thumped back onto the bed of the river.

"Easy there," spoke a deep male voice as a hand lifted up his head. Severus acted instinctively, twirling round, reaching for a wand. But the whole movement just made him retch over the river. "Hey come on, you're not feeling well,"

"No shit," he choked out, tensing up as the hand stroked his back, probably in a reassuring way, but Severus was too used to danger to believe it was.

"It's me, its Frank." Severus' shivering body fell still. He couldn't remember Frank before he had been bitten, Severus had only been a baby but he had been pretty sure he'd met him once. Black had somehow made Professor Dumbledore believe he had been up after hours on the Quidditch pitch. He still didn't know how he had done it, but he had and Severus had spent a detention in the Forbidden Forest…on a full moon. Ogg, the caretaker had told him that Werewolves didn't actually live in the forest, and yet that night, he had come face to face with a blue eyed, brown werewolf. It had been snarling at his neck one moment, the next sitting in front of him, tongue lolling, tail wagging. It had taken quite a bit of research to work out that, while a werewolf would kill its best friend when transformed, it wouldn't kill its own blood, its pack. Not that made him any keener to meet his estranged brother.

He turned to face the man. "Frank?"

Clearly Frank had been the lucky one in the family when it came to looks. Unlike his siblings, Frank had no hooked nose but instead a long thin one. His hair was as long as Samantha's but was mousey brown. And his eyes, they were ice blue instead of the never-ending black the others had inherited off their father. But his ears were the only thing Severus could focus on. They, ironically, reminded him of cat ears.

Frank stiffened at the sound of his name, "It's not Frank anymore, its Fenrir Greyback."

"Greyback?" his brows furrowed,

Fenrir shrugged, "Been following you around for a long time kid. You're lucky I found you, you were screaming your head off." Severus sat up and put his head in his hands as Fenrir pushed him against a tree so he could support himself. But he didn't care as he started to remember what had happened the night before. He had failed, he knew he would never go back to the house and yet it was his only source of information. He was a coward; he'd never see his own daughter. If only his sib- he looked up at Fenrir.

"You wouldn't happen to know if Stanley and Samantha became Death Eaters?" he held his breath, hoping that the rural wolf had heard of such things.

Fenrir sighed, "Of course he did, idiot."

Severus paid no attention to the lack of mention of his little sister. "Where are they?"

He shrugged, "He came looking for me, told me that this Voldemort could offer me freedom and riches...I told him no, I like living and human hate my kind enough," Severus nodded, not really caring, he had other worries.

"Do you know where they are?" he repeated to the werewolf.

Fenrir shook his head. "They keep moving around, never staying in one place for too long, asking the wolf clans all over the country for help. Probably other creatures too, but I don't know about them." Severus sighed, this wasn't going anywhere; he'd have to ask outright soon. But Fenrir seemed to have guessed where he was going with this, "Do you want to be a Death Eater?"

"Maybe."

Fenrir stiffened he was silent for a moment then leaned forward and hissed, "Don't."

"Why not?" he asked in disbelief that this wolf that had been nowhere in his life for the last fifteen years and now expected him to listen.

"This …Voldemort is a fool, coming out like that, declaring war. He just wants the attention." Severus could see that, and frankly the werewolf was probably right, practically both sides were being stupid in their overreactions. But Severus wasn't doing this to win, however it was too dangerous to tell the wolf this and it seemed it was going to be difficult to convince the werewolf to tell him anything seeing as he was giving him the same stubborn look his mother always gave him. He had to swallow down the twinge of grief he felt before speaking.

"I believe in the views, they're…persuasive."

"What? Muggles? Are you going to kill them all?" he snarled, "have you seen their numbers?" All pretence dropped, he drew himself up against the tree, his pride stung.

"We are more powerful."

" _Are you_? You don't know that! You don't know what Muggles are capable of."

"Do you?"

"No! I prefer to leave them alone and _live_. Why can't you just forget about each other and leave it? Makes you all much easier to protect." Protection…so that was Fenrir thing? Severus kept his face blank, as inside he fought the turmoil over the triumph of discovering a way to manipulate the wolf and the sickening guilt that he actually took joy in it.

"Fenrir," he said seriously leaning forward, "I need to get in, they're my siblings, I need to protect them too, just like you."

Fenrir's ears flattened to his head, "They are mad for joining him."

"And that's why I need to. To protect them, to protect my pack." That got through to him.

He growled before reluctantly grumbling, "When they approached me, ages back though, they said if I ever changed my mind they'd be waiting in Knockturn alley, at the Hanging Dog, but that was before they started declaring war all over the place, I have no idea if they'd be there now," _'_ _well it's worth the look,'_ he thought, stumbling up. He was getting ready to apparate when out of his cloudy brain came a question.

"How did you find me?"

Fenrir shrugged getting up too, "got one of those owls, told me you would be here."

"And you just….believed it?" Fenrir looked confused, head on one side,

"Of course, I needed to find you, to protect you." This was not going to end well for Fenrir, but he was irrelevant. Severus merely nodded at him, turned on the spot and disapparated.

* * *

James, half asleep, went down the stairs to the kitchen to get a glass of water. They had settled into Godric's Hollow pretty well, it didn't mean he didn't still jump at every shadow in the unfamiliar house. This would be his repeated excuse to Lily for why he released such an undignified squeal when he saw Snape causally sitting at the table eating cereal. Snape looked up at him smirking,

"and hello to you too,"

"What-what-what….what!?"

"If you're question is, what I am doing here? Then the answer is I needed to speak to Lily and eat cornflakes."

"What?" Snape looked up at him, still wearing a punchable smirk. "How did you get into my house?"

"I have my ways," he said calmly, before going back to his bowl of cereal. This grated on James' nerves and made him grit his teeth. How dare this man, this criminal, come into his house and act like he owned the place. James was in the right, surely? He squashed down the voice that said he was wrong.

"Listen you, I don't care if you're an old friend of Lily's, you do not just come into my house whenever you want." He drew his wand, hating Snape even more when it did not have the desired effect on him, "You understand?"

Snape looked up at him, then down at the wand then up again before speaking, "Careful now, with that kind of temper, someone could get killed." Even though the kitchen had been silent before the silence that followed these words were all consuming. James just stood there, wand still trained on Snape, jaw hanging open, fighting down the temptation to throw up. It had to be a coincidence, he had just did it because he thought James had a temper, and there was no other reason.

"You should be very careful Potter, even mundane things like stairs can be killers," James now moved back, cold sweat dripping down the back of his neck. All the while Snape just stared at him; his eyes were older than his face, the pain of Azkaban showing through. How much would he make James pay for causing that?

"James?" he jumped and squealed again as Lily entered the room, wand held high. She gave James a funny look, before noticing Snape and beamed, "Hey Severus, what you doing here?"

"Hey Lil'," he said getting up; an ugly look on his face that James thought was meant to be a smile. "I found out where the Death Eaters are recruiting, problem is…" he gestured to the rags he was wearing as clothes, "I don't have anything to wear,"

"That's fine," she said moving towards Snape, grabbing his hand and pulling him out into the hallway, "I'm sure James and I can find you something."

"Hey! I-" James started, but when Snape looked at him, one hand on the banister and eyebrows raised, he closed his mouth and slowly turned away to clean up the kitchen.

"I don't trust him."

"Really James? I never would have guessed," Lily muttered sarcastically. She was too tired to deal with a mistrustful James and a sleepy Severus.

"I mean how do we even know he's working on Dumbledore's orders?"

"Why would he come to us if he wasn't?" she waved her wand over the robes she had picked out for Severus.

"Maybe because he thinks we're stupid enough to help him." He literally jumped back when she pointed her wand at him. "You know I didn't mean it like that," James started but Lily didn't listen. She was so sick of James talking ill of her oldest friend. She picked up the newly altered clothes and left the room ignoring James' pleas.

Severus looked at himself in the mirror. He was hideous. Not that he had ever been anything to look at but Azkaban had clearly changed him for the worst. His ribs were too prominent through his chest, his eyes were sunken in and had aged significantly and his hair was matted with two years worth of blood and dirt. He had tried to wash it out in the shower, but he couldn't actually comb through it so had just had to make do with letting the water wash over it. He sighed, gently rubbing a towel over his lithe body. He hadn't seen a mirror in two years and this was the man he had turned into; broken with nothing left to live for. He looked at the razor on the edge of the sink. Well, almost nothing left. He had Johanna to live for. He still didn't know why she even agreed to go out with him to the annual Hogwarts dance back in his third year. She was clever, witty and beautiful and two years above him. He still thanked the Gods for whatever they had done to convince her to sleep with him.

_Johanna pressed against the wall, kept there by his hips. A voice in the back of his head told him that she didn't want this, she couldn't. But she did, her hands gripped the back of his neck pulling, if it was possible, closer. He was waiting for her to laugh, for someone to take away his bliss from him. But no laughter came; only her whispers of something he was only too glad to give her. His bliss and pleasure built until finally-_

He closed his eyes; these were definitely not the thoughts to be having in Lily's bathroom. The place where Potter showered- yep that did it. He opened his eyes again, though the memories of Johanna that elicited a spark inside of him, they were nothing compared to what he had been able to feel before Azkaban. He was only left with shadows, hints at emotions and feeling he'd once been able to feel. Except for the guilt and sadness, he still felt them in full force; he could still hear the screams. He rested his head heavily against the mirror, taking deep shaky breaths. He could still feel the dementors; they were coming for him, going to take him back to hell. There was a knock at the door which brought him back. "Yeah?"

"Severus it's me, I brought you some clothes…Can I come in?"

"No I'm not-" he couldn't even finish the sentence before Lily opened the door and stepped in.

"Fuck Lil!" he grabbed a towel and hastily wrapped it around himself, though he still felt very exposed, "do you ever listen to me?"

"I do, just not what comes out of your mouth." He huffed, collapsing on the toilet seat. Lily huffed too, crouching down and putting her free hand on one of his half towel covered knees, "Why are you doing this Severus?" He opened his mouth then closed it; could he give Lily the honest answer? She deserved to know. The problem was he didn't know if his pride would let him give her one. "I mean, I'm not saying you wouldn't help us." Would he have helped Lily? "But spying…you're a Slytherin, you wouldn't do something so life threatening without some…" she wrung her hands as she struggled for the right word, "persuasion." Could he tell Lily? He had to protect Johanna, showing her as his weakness would only put her in danger. But he knew what Lily was capable of if she found out he was lying. The day he was arrested was the same day that Lily stopped talking to Samantha. Samantha had told him while he awaited his trail. She was meant to be comforting him in the waiting room but only succeed in making him feel sad that his sister had lost her only true friend. He couldn't afford to lose Lily like Samantha had.

"Johanna," he said quietly.

Lily nodded, "I thought it was her. You know…she is now-"

"Her child's mine," he blurted out. Lily stiffened, blinking rapidly, with Severus just watching curiously, afraid of what she might do.

"Oh… _oh_ , well I hate her a little less now…I guess." Severus raised an eyebrow, how could anyone hate Joha- "She got with Sirius a week after you left!" she cried suddenly, making Severus jump. "You weren't even sentenced then! I guess I get it, if she knew she was pregnant, to give her child a father…" Lily muttered more to herself than Severus. "You should meet her," Lily said smiling all of a sudden, "she's really quite sweet, your daughter I mean, of course they've been put into a safe house like we-"

"Dumbledore said I can't see them until I become a spy,"

Lily was still again, " _bastard_!" Something cracked beside him and Severus grabbed the seat to steady himself. He was going to die; something was coming to hurt him. "Shit, sorry Sev, sorry, hey, hey!" He flinched as hands rubbed his arms, "its ok, I'm sorry, shouldn't have done that." Lily turned away red faced, sighing and pushed his clothes towards him.

"I don't agree with this, not in anyway. But if you're doing this for Phoenix," Lily smiled at him, getting up, "then she has the best father in the universe."

* * *

Nothing. The bar that his brother had led him to was nothing more than a hovel for drunks and thieves. He sighed and down the last of his firewhiskey from the grimy glass in front of him and pushed himself away from the bar. He never been this far into Knockturn alley, the last time he had tried to get down here when he was fifteen he had taken an abrupt U-turn when heckled at by the prostitutes who had lined the street, trying to tempt him to use their…services. Now he just glared at the skimpy looking woman who was leering at him. He didn't know where to go now. He could try and locate an old friend, hopefully wouldn't be that hard, but the Blacks would probably kill him on sight and there was no way he could go anywhere near Luc-

"Stay where you are you bastard!" he recognised that voice and closed his eyes, _'_ _speak of the devil.'_

"Hello Lucie," he muttered the wand pressed more sharply into his throat.

"Don't call me that name! You lost that right when you murdered my father!"

"You need to listen-"

"No you need to listen Snape, I'm going to-"

"I know you're angry," Severus spoke over him, "but you need to trust me, as your friend, trust me."

The wand was still bruising his throat but Lucie whispered, "Go on,"

He sighed, "Someone framed me, I never went near the manor, someone was trying to get everyone close to me to turn against me, but it wasn't me, and if you ever knew me you know it couldn't have been." Slowly the wand was taken away from his throat and the figure of Lucius Malfoy came into view. The bruise on Severus' neck ached but he resisted the urge to rub it instead asking, "Why did you believe so quickly?" He cringed inwardly as he heard it leave his mouth, those words didn't really sound like they belonged to an innocent man.

But Lucie just smiled, "You're right, you're my friend and I trust you," Severus felt his heart clench as he realised what he was going to have to do to his friends, _'_ _think about her, this is for her.'_

"So, do you have any idea who killed my father?" Lucie asked as he put his wand away.

Severus shrugged, "Some, not much, but when I do, you'll be the first to know." Lucie smirked as Severus surveyed the alley, it was filled some nosy eyes and keen ears, "Do you know somewhere private where we could talk?"

"So…" Lucie started,

"So?"

Lucie opened his mouth and then closed it several times like a fish. Severus internally rolled his eyes and looked into the pub Lucie they were outside. Frankly he couldn't call it pub, more a muggle fighting ring, only those doing the fighting weren't doing it willingly. Severus flinched as a body was thrown at the side of the cage nearest the grimy window he was watching through, all around the circle cage was the shouting and jeering of Purist as they 'support' their fighter as they would support a race horse. The other fighter who had thrown the man dragged him back into centre ring and stamped on his head with his heavy boots, a strangely blank look on his face. The crowds heckles and cheers began to be almost deafening to the extent that he couldn't hear what Lucie was saying beside him outside the pub.

"What?"

"I said, do you know framed you?"

Severus sighed,

"I told you, I don't know,"

"Well you must have some idea,"

He sighed watching indifferently as the body was dragged from the ring.

"Some. But I don't think they murdered your father,"

Lucie raised an eyebrow.

"You think there's more than one?"

"Maybe,"

Now it was Lucie's turn to sigh, "where even were you?" Severus took his time answering, staring into the bottom of his glass as he thought of an answer.

"I was…improving upon an old recipe I found on an old potion book."

"And you didn't think to tell _anyone_?"

Severus straightened his back defensively, "well it wasn't exactly…legal,"

"Did it work?"

Severus paused again before saying, "it was improved, but not how I wanted,"

Lucie leaned forward. "What did it do?" Severus ignored the question, they were getting off topic. He walked forward; the crowd of spectators were departing now that their…entertainment had had its head smashed open. Severus believed that they would be less likely to be overheard in the crowd of bustling drunks, Lucie followed as they waded their way through the mass.

"What do you know about the Death Eaters?" Severus asked suddenly once they'd made their way to the centre of the crowd.

Lucie chewed the inside of his cheek,

"I was hoping you could tell me where to find them."

"You don't know?" Severus asked, trying to mask his disappointment.

"Well," Lucie began, "I know some things. Cissa's sister is one of them."

"Bella?"

"My dearest sister in law," he sneered sarcastically.

"Congratulations," was the muttered reply.

Lucie just grunted at him before continuing, "She knows a lot more than me… _perhaps_ , someone would let it slip that in three days' time, they're having a celebration of Orion Black's fifty-seventh birthday at the Summer Hops Estate."

"I'm not sure they'd welcome me, seeing as they think I killed their sister."

"Do you have another choice?"

"No." he clicked his tongue in thought, wishing this Voldemort man would drop out of the sky, so he could just get this over with; this wild goose chase was getting on his nerves. He and Lucie walked all the way back to Knockturn Alley, before Lucie turned to him.

"I guess I'll see you there." he stuck out his hand which was taken by Severus. He could feel the old scars on Lucie's hand which made him feel more guilty about what he was about to do. He pulled Lucie into a hug and slipped his hand into his outer robes and took out a pouch of galleons. Once he waved Lucie goodbye he headed further into Knockturn Alley, Lucie wouldn't miss the money and he could be excused, it has been two years. But this wasn't something he could ask Lily money for.

* * *

Please review and will upload again next Wednesday!


	4. Chapter 4

Hey! Next one! This one's where the sub plot with murders kind of comes in... I hope...I don't want to be lying to you... I'm pretty sure. Hope you enjoy!

 

When he had walked in he almost had thought it was truly her. That Johanna was sitting at the end of the couch in a dress that really left nothing to the imagination. He felt like, for once, the Gods had been kind to him, but after he'd paid the money, his mind started picking up on the differences. This woman may look like Johanna but was in no way like her; her leering smile and tinkering laugh made him cringe and her great acting skills that could have fooled any other man only served to remind him Johanna wasn't here. She would never do half of the things Severus did with that woman that night, even when they had had sex, Johanna was still much reserved. She had always been quiet and never really showed any emotion, it made him feel like he had achieved something with Johanna when he made her cracked a smile, unlike this woman who gasped and moaned at his every touch. Still she was better than no Johanna. Now she was stroking his arm while he was sat up in the silk bed, gnawing a finger in his mouth and thinking. Lucie had brought his mind back to the murders. Though he hadn't really paid attention as the Minister had read out his crimes, too afraid to even speak, he knew the murders that he supposedly committed. Calla Black found in an unused potions room, poisoned, his magical imprint all over the room, Abraxas Malfoy in his Winchester manor, his throat cut open with a knife that his friends had confirmed was his. A first year Hufflepuff called Darius Harvey pushed down a flight of stairs and had broken his neck, witnesses saying they had seen him fleeing the crime scene and finally Professor Athanas, a witness account saying he had been seen stabbing the man. He sighed he could understand Malfoy Sr., but the boy and the Professor? Why was he framed for them? Perhaps it hadn't just been one person, how quickly the murders had followed one another showed that it couldn't possibly be one person. Then why frame him? He sighed and looked down at the woman, still softly tickling his arm.

"You know, you have half an hour left, you gonna use it?" her voice was rough and judging by the yellow fingers and pre-old aged wrinkles, she was definitely addicted to something, probably trying to pay off her debts, maybe a child involved. He felt something a kin to sadness, his child's name was Phoenix, even though he was pretty sure that was a boy's name, he still felt closer to her now. He sighed again, getting out of the bed, trying to locate his clothes. He was meant to be trying to become a spy so he could see her, not sorting out a revenge plan.

"Keep the money," he said once fully dressed. Surely he could try both.

 

It was the second time that week he had found Snape in his kitchen in the dead of night. At least he didn't scream like a girl this time. Snape was looking through an old tome, one he was pretty sure he didn't own,

"Hello Potter," James opened his mouth to reprimand Snape, but then realised it probably wouldn't do much.

"…You wanna speak to Lily?" he asked gesturing up to where Lily was sleeping.

"No, I want to talk to you," he closed the book with a sharp snap, the kitchen now thick with tension.

James licked his lips before letting out a shaky sigh,

"Can I get a drink first?"

"Please," he walked as slowly as he could over to the drinks cabinet, trying to prevent the inventible consequences for his actions. He took out a bottle of firewhiskey and a crystal glass and sat down opposite Snape, before taking a shot and refilling his glass.

"You know," Snape started, James' hands starting to shake, "what I've had in abundance as I rotted in Azkaban?" His throat became too dry to talk, so he took another shot, it didn't help instead he shook his head.

"Time," he pushed the large, fraying book to James, "and this book." The cover paper was faded but he could still read the title 'the art of Occulemency and legilimency.' "Do you know what legilimency is?" James shook his head again. "In laymen terms, it is the ability to enter one's mind and extract their memories, a skill I have perfected."

Snape drank from his drinking slowly before laying it down on the table.

"Why did you kill Darius Harvey?" James tried to speak but ended up having a coughing fit, "Perhaps I should let you have your say, even though I wasn't even allowed a defence,"

James swallowed another shot before speaking, "I…I never, look ok, it wasn't that I murdered him,"

"Well, actually you did,"

James audibly gulped,

"He was just so insulting, I'm not trying to not take the blame but, he kept insulting my family…I just wanted to push him, to scare him you know. I didn't know he was standing that close," he shuddered, taking another sip from his glass; he could sometimes still hear the cracking sound when he hit the floor below.

"So, you thought it would be funny to tell the aurors it was me," James opened his mouth to denied it but Snape spoke over him, "thought you could have a laugh with Black about how you put a Snape behind bars?"

"No-"

"You make me sick, just cause I'm a Slytherin you thought-" the glass shattered as James brought it down on the table.

"No!" They fell into silence now, straining to hear any movement from upstairs. When none could be heard, James took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose before speaking, "Look you have to understand…I know Phoenix isn't Sirius', I know she's your daughter." His lips thinned, "she told that day, told me she was pregnant, with your child. I was so angry. I didn't think when I told them it was you, just that it would get rid of you, but…" he looked Snape in the eye, "once I did, I felt terrible, but I couldn't go to prison." Snape stood showing nothing on his face

"If Lily found out…"

James stood up too, chair scarping loudly, his heart in his throat.

"Please you can't tell her."

Snape ignored this, still moving towards the door and said, "It would kill her. And Johanna,"

James moved towards Snape grabbing his sleeve making him turn back around,

"she would never talk to you again,"

"Please you didn't even go in for that long, only two years."

"Only two years! I was sixteen! Because of you and your only foolish mistakes, I lost everything! Do you know what I went through? I suffered through every nightmare I've ever had, through ever last fear my mind could come up with. They starved me to the point that I was insane. I would have and did anything to eat, to drink! And you acted like what happened to me, what should have happened to you is nothing?" James was crying now, he didn't need to hear Snape's tales, he knew enough about Azkaban, his parents using it in stories when he was little to make sure he behaved. Snape could tear his life apart; he could go to Azkaban for this. Just the thought of the undead monster there, made his pride shatter, allowing him to say, "I'm begging you, please!" Snape looked no remorse as he looked into his eyes, causing James to bow his head in dismay, it was hopeless.

"You're…begging? You want to be free, then truly beg, for my mercy." James swallowed, this didn't sound like it would end well for him, but he knew he deserved this, so he got down on his knees,

"Please…don't tell anyone,"

Snape offered no answer to his begging, "You're pathetic and I am so tempted to become the murderer you tried to make me out to be." James bowed his head, looking at his shaking hands, "but I was right, it would kill Lily. Potter get up!" He couldn't possibly be letting him go.

"Thank you!" he said, stumbling up.

"Don't thank me," he snapped, as if what James had said was a crude insult, "I'm not doing it for you." James nodded, violently, he couldn't believe it, he was actually free, this horrible weight on his chest was being lifted, if only lightly, by Snape's words.

"That kid…he had a family right?" James nodded, "good, you're gonna give them 200'000 galleons and an apology,"

"What? Why?"

"Because you can't bring back their son, but you can help them, even if you're two years too late." James looked dumbfounded, his mouth hanging open, it wasn't the amount of money, it wouldn't put a dent in the Potter fortune but it was the fact that a Snape being asking this, why would someone relate to Samantha Snape be this selfless? "Oh and I need five hundred," or maybe not.

"Why?"

Snape smirked at Potter as he accio'd a large money pouch from the living room and caught it,

"Because I have a party to go to."

 

Not all his friends had abandoned him, he saw that as a plus, he did wish that one who hadn't abandon him wasn't deeply in love him. He had been staying with Lily's younger sister since acquitted from Azkaban though frankly he couldn't wait until he could leave her home, but that wasn't an option right now.

"Sev!" Rose squealed as he opened the front door, she ran at him full pelt and hugged him. He smiled weakly as Rose tried to squeeze the life out of him. She had always been a peculiar girl, those on the outside she seemed to just be a goody two shoes like her sister, but she, unlike Lily, was obsessed with the Dark Arts, probably why she had always loved Severus. "Where have you been?" she cried, jumping up and down after she had finally let Severus breathe.

"I've been…busy." It was true, but he'd also been trying to avoid her, it wasn't really because of her jumpy nature and just all round cheeriness that got on his nerves, it was the fact no matter what he did to deter her from have feelings for him, it would never do her any good to have feelings that would never returned. 'You can't talk,' an irritating voice whispered to him, he shook his head, he had been a stupid hormonal boy, he had been allowed to obsess over Johanna non-stop and it had work out in the end, 'this is what you call 'working out?' He sighed, sitting down at the plastic table in Rose's kitchen/dining/living room. She had rented out an apartment as soon as she had turned seventeen, and was now staying in it during her final summer holiday. It was a block of flats at which many Hogwarts finishing students stayed in until they got a job and house. Never having lived in one, Severus was actually quite amazed at how luxurious it was, it was much nicer than his own home had ever been. The stench of human decay filled his nose he looked down at his mother. Her hair falling away in clumps, her body looked even smaller now as her flesh underneath rotted away and her skin had become translucent. The memory went as quickly as it came, it seemed to be a curse of Azkaban, like a dementor was following him around, non-stop, everyday more memories haunting him, of the pain, of loss and of decay, he could still smell Azkaban on him, he reeked of it.

There was someone else in his cell. It was too dark to tell where, but he could hear someone gasping. He stayed in the corner, that he had claimed as his own, when he'd first arrived he stayed in it to retain his strength. Now…what was the point of moving anywhere else? A dementor glided past, he closed his eyes and focussed on what the book in his hands had said. He closed off all memories from the front of his mind, creating a wall. It didn't stop the depression that swept over him as it passed. He didn't even hear the scuffle as the person moved closer.

"You ok?" He looked up, he had been leaning over of table, panting, sweating gathering on his forehead.

"Yeah, just memories…they're getting worse." Rose frowned slightest at him, but she clearly had no way of empathising with him, she was too innocent to understand anything, including what she was eluding to when she stroked his hand. He carefully removed his hand from under hers.

"When were you going to tell me about Daisy?" he asked, wishing to quickly change the subject. Rose seemed to have thought he would ask about Daisy, as she didn't look surprised, only hurt. She drew herself up, though it did not have the strengthening effect she probably had hoped it would have, as her emotions were painted clearly on her face.

"How did you hear about that?"

"Lily told me."

"Ah, so you've been speaking to Lily but not me." Severus raised an eyebrow, she couldn't have possibly thought that would have worked.

"She's my friend and I needed information," he said simply refusing to be taken off topic, "but she didn't tell me what happened,"

"Oh didn't she?"

"No, I was rather hoping you would." Silence followed Severus' obvious command, as Rose rubbed her forehead. Finally she stood up, taking the book of satanic rituals off the table and put it on the side, as she got two cans of lager. Severus waited impatiently for her to sit back down and start talking.

"She's was a squib," Rose said, looking into her can.

"What?"

"She's-was a squib," Severus put down his beer can, he hadn't known that, Lily hadn't told him, she had gone at the beginning of his fourth year, but he'd always assumed her parents had taken her out,

"A...muggle squib?" Rose nodded, and as an afterthought chuckled.

"It is funny when you say it like that, isn't it?" She wiped her mouth with her sleeve, "she had magic, that was for sure, got a Hogwarts letter, could get a wand, but do actual spells?" She shook her head, the pained look was back, "but she couldn't been allowed back into the muggle world, she had magic, and seeing as she couldn't control it...statute of secrecy and all that bull. They said she was somewhere where they'd look after her, somewhere that was meant to keep her safe." Rose had tears in her eyes now, sniffing a little. Severus hoped she didn't actually start crying, he was terrible at comforting people, but Rose seemed to gather herself together, "she wasn't sorted into Gryffindor for nothing, I don't think she liked the way they spoke to her, and it was horrible." She took another gulp, before throwing her can down on the table in anger, "so condescending, just because she didn't have magic didn't mean she was stupid!" She hiccoughed here, and slowly stood to get her herself another drink, she was at the counter with her back to Severus when she spoke again, "well I guess she was a little stupid." Severus had to strain to hear, "they found her two days before you were arrested, she was in Knockturn alley, dead." Severus wondered how much Rose knew about how her sister was killed. She sat down again, Severus watching her carefully, but there seemed to be no tears now, only a blank stare at nothing. Severus took his chance and looked into her mind, it wasn't difficult, the memory was at the forefront of her mind. Daisy was hovering on an invisible stretcher, a blanket over her to keep her decency but it was clear she wasn't wearing any clothes underneath. Bruises were on her throat, finger-marks from where her murderer had strangled her to death. He had never realised how small she was until then, she was fourteen, and her eyes should have been full joy and innocence, not dull and unseeing. He withdrew as Rose moved away again, unable to taken her emotions out of anything but the floor, as she was now furiously pacing up and down. "They never found out who did it, nothing. but if they'd just-" she marched to a shelf and plucked took a book out, and slammed it down on the table, making Severus flinch at the loud noise, but Rose did not notice, it had been clearly a long time since she's been able the talk to anyone about what happened to her sister.

"See this! The Tandum curse, can track the magical signature of any wizard after up to three weeks, but of course," she slammed the book shut, "it's illegal, because it invades citizen privacy," something Rose did not care about if her sisters were concerned. "They could have found him...but they never did," she was quiet now, just looking down at Severus probably hoping he would been able to help her with the pain she was feeling. Severus sighed, as he stood up and hugged her. He hated her puppy dog eyes; she could make him do almost anything. Almost.

"And what would you do," he spoke softly into her ear, "if you did find who killed your sister?"

"I'd kill them," she had the stubborn tone of anyone who truly didn't understand what they were committing themselves to.

"No, you can't."

"Why not?"

"You're too young to be planning revenge murder."

"Oh yeah, like you aren't planning to kill whoever sent you to Azkaban, why is what I'm doing any different?"

"You're too young,"

She scoffed. "A year younger than you, that's no difference,"

"It's all the difference, you've never killed before." She pulled away, and anger radiated off of her, as she stormed into the only other room in the house, her bedroom. He sighed, Rose had no idea what she wanted to do, and he shook his head, as he laid down on the tiny sofa. 'Definitely need to find a new place to sleep.'

 

Hope you enjoyed it! Have an nice day and review please!


	5. Chapter 5

Hey! There's implied rape in this chapter so if you don't want to read it skip the stuff in italics, otherwise enjoy!

* * *

He'd be a fool to believe that pureblood didn't like a chance to show off but, even he was surprised by the grand lengths the Black family had gone to show off this event. It was Orion Black's 57th birthday, yet it seemed that the family had only used this as an excuse to show how much power and wealth they had. Statues of dogs lined the garden paths and walls, cages of rare birds were hidden in the under growth with a spell on them so the source of the sound could not be traced. Hovering lanterns lit the garden so brightly it could be mistaken for daytime and there were rows of tables of banquet food, there were so many of them that it made the party of over 500 people look tiny, it was compared to how many were meant to be there, but with so many people in hiding most hadn't risked it. Severus had used the money he had 'borrowed' from Potter to buy the most expensive black velvet robes, embroided with green thread he could find. But of course, everyone else in the garden had gone out of their way to, what else, show off. This gave him the peculiar feeling of being embarrassed of being so ridiculously overdressed and underdressed at the same time. Not that anyone would notice as he had cast a Notice-me-not charm on himself, though, he hoped, seeing as Lucie was looking for him, he'd been able to see him. Luckily his hunch was correct,

"Didn't think you would show up." Severus turned around, mouth open ready to snap at him but it ended up choking at he saw what Lucie was wearing. A completely white set of robes with an entire plumage of peacock feathers at the back.

"Peacock," he said thickly, trying to rid his mind of the images of a grand piano and candelabras, it would do no good if he died of laughter tonight.

"Someone should uphold the Malfoy house's honour in amongst these dogs."

"Well," Severus started stiffly, trying not to crack a smile, "I didn't expect you to come as a peacock, more as a…duck," Lucie's expression turned into one of a sulking five year old child and Severus felt something a kin to happiness as he teased his old friend, but it was stale and tainted by the niggling thoughts that Lucie was only a pawn to get him to Johanna.

"I thought you promised never to tell anyone that," he hissed,

"And I kept that promise, as you've kept you've kept yours,"

Severus looked around, no one was paying attention to them but with how Lucie was dressed, Severus could be forgiven for being a little paranoid, "its best not to discuss that here," he murmured, "Have you gained any information?"

Lucie grimaced, "I've gained a little more than information," he rolled up his left sleeve to reveal an angry red looking tattoo. He could see, underneath the tender skin, the tattoo was of a black snake twisting out of a black skull. Even though he had never seen the mark before he guessed, judging by the context, that this meant-

"When?"

"Well," Lucie said, pulling his sleeve back down, looking around anxiously but no one was paying them any attention, too engulfed in their own conversations and power plays. "After we talked, I kind of decided… it was finally time to make a choice about my side in the war." Severus felt something deep inside coiling and twisting, reaching up to the forefront of his mind. He pushed it back, silently urging Lucie to go on.

"So l asked Cissa where her sister was, she said she was in North Hampton so," he shrugged, "I went."

Severus raised an eyebrow, "You just went?" Lucie looked confused then offended as he worked out what Severus was implying.

"I can look out for myself! Anyway, they were just doing a raid, but the aurors showed up," Severus again was confused, if the aurors were there, how had he not heard anything. Terrifyingly, Lucie seemed to know what he was thinking.

"You think that the Ministry would let their people know about their mistakes? It would cause panic," he said grinning. "But anyway, the aurors showed up and there were too many of them so, I just did the first thing that came to my head, I ran forward, grabbed one of them and apparated. I thought maybe, I could ask them some questions. But once he realised who I was he told me that he wanted to take me to his…Lord."

"Lord?"

"That's what he calls himself…the dark lord. When night fell, the man's, never told me his name, the Dark," he twitched his left arm, "mark started burning and took me to…him." Lucie swallowed.

"What was he like?" Lucie opened his mouth several times, clearly struggling for words, while Severus waited, tensed, still trying to force back the dark feeling in his mind.

"He…didn't seem human, and the way they were all acting, like he was some God, like he was so powerful."

"Was he powerful?"

"I wasn't going to test it!" Lucie snapped, clearly getting agitated about having to talk about it, "but he seemed to know why I was there, he didn't have to ask, he just walked forward, put his wand to my arm, and told me I was going to serve him," he swallowed again and shuddered, but Severus didn't care, the dark feeling in the back of his mind getting stronger, no pain mattered as long as he was a Death Eater when it was all over.

"What happened next?"

Lucie skin now looked a tinge grey, "So the way I see it, to get in-"

"Lucie…what happened next?" Lucie started to fidget, looking around at the still chatting party goers.

"I know that they're vermin," he said quietly, "but the things he made us do." He shuddered again and this time it took Severus all his strength to keep back the dark feeling, some the guilt of spilling through, sending knives into his stomach.

"Hey it's okay," he said rubbing Lucie's arms.

"You still want to join?" Severus nodded. "Then you've either got to save a Death Eater's life or do something the Dark Lord would approve of, the former's probably easier." Severus nodded again, "There's going to be an attack on Birmingham city centre in four days. The bull ring, heard of it?" He nodded, he didn't but he knew he could get directions at any time, but the longer he stayed there, the riskier it was. They stayed in silence after that, neither knowing what to say. They jumped when they heard an angry shout,

"Lucius!"

He looked like a rabbit in the headlights, "Shit, that's Cissa," he said looking over his shoulder, Severus doing so too, seeing if he could catch a glimpse of the familiar face.

"I better get going," he said when he saw the white haired woman's head bobbing towards them.

"Yes," Lucie breathed turned back to face him, "I'll keep in touch."

Severus awkwardly embraced the blond, "Good luck," and with that, Severus turned on his heel, rolling up his sleeves, the tattoos on his wrists glowing red.

* * *

He stumbled into Rose's apartment, his shields falling down. The guilt that had been in the back of his face hit him with full force as he remembered what Lucie said, _"_ _After we talked, I kind of decided… it was finally time to make a choice about my side in the war."_ His throat tightened, restricting his breathing, tears stinging at his eyes. His friend had been pushed into evil and it was he who had done it. Now his friend had done unspeakable evils because he had trusted him. _'_ _She trusted you,'_ screams then filled the room, he thought they were too high to be his own but he felt close to screaming. The darkness was covering him now, choking him. Rotting flesh gripped his arms, pulling him closer.

"Severus!" He flinched back, hitting his head off the radiator, the real pain in the back of his head bringing him out of his nightmare. Rose was leaning over him now, hands holding his arms tightly away from her, as if he had lashed out. At any other time he would have tried to move away, but now he leaned into her, drawn to her realness and solidness, much better than the apparitions that he had created to stay sane in Azkaban. He wasn't aware he'd started kissing her and by the time he'd woken himself from his coma of comfort and warmth, it was too late to stop. That night was the first time he'd slept well since before Azkaban.

* * *

Rose had curlier hair, a little browner than Lily's hair, but it still reminded him of her. It didn't distract him from the fact he was sleeping next to a naked girl. He was so tempted to do it all again with her, better than paying some other woman, Rose was giving it up for free.

_He only noticed the person had moved forward when he felt a hand on his knee. He flinched but only hit the book that was hidden behind his back._

_"_ _You're real," the man muttered, "You're here," he started to stroke Severus' leg, squeezing it tight. Severus didn't say anything, too terrified. But when the man's hands started to creep up his chest, one grabbing his hand, the other his neck, he weakly said, "No." He was shushed, the grip of the hand on his neck almost strangling him._

_"_ _Don't, I'll made it real for you too."_

He rolled out of the bed, refusing to stay beside Rose any longer, disgusted at himself. He'd slept with Lily's younger sister, used her. He shook his head, he was going mad. Running into the living room, he picked out a couple of clothes that Rose had got for him, put them on and then ran out the door.

* * *

He just had to hope Lily would never find out. He was now standing behind a tree, watching the church doors. It was the church belonging to the small village Lily had grown up in and it was here where Lily and Potter were getting married. The church's doors burst open, the bells ringing as the happy couple walked out of the building. Lily looking dazzlingly in her wedding dress and Potter looking very uncomfortable in trousers and with a bemused look on his face, as if he wasn't sure if he was dreaming or not. But it wasn't them he was looking for. He kept looking at the doors until he saw her. She was wearing a green dress, her hair up high, strands cascading down her shoulders. She had brown eyes and hints of freckles on the top of her cheeks. She was a picture of sweetness and innocence which was marred by the smirk she was wearing and the cunningness of her mind. Holding her arm was Black, but was it him, or was she holding her arm very loosely. He shook his head, his sentiment was getting the better of him. He watched as she walked up behind her brother and gave him a one armed hug, her smirk bigger than ever. His eyebrows furrowed.

"I told them it would be best to leave in her in the safe house." He twirled around to see Dumbledore standing behind him wearing sky blue robes, "Who knows who could show an interest in her?" Severus stepped towards him, wanting to punch the wizard. "Severus you should stop now or else I cannot ensure your safety," he stopped, breathing harshly through his nose. "How much progress have you made?" He clenched his fists tightly, his nails biting into his palms, before speaking.

"I know how to get in, it is only a matter of time now before I find the right moment." Of course that wouldn't take long see as he was planning on pulling some of strings. "Now if you excuse me, I have places to be."

* * *

It had taken him all his strength to keep a straight face as Potter walked through his hotel door and screamed at the sight of him on the double bed. Lily looked as she had been expecting it, probably had, with her Seeing powers.

"Were you at the wedding?" she asked, moving past her still petrified husband, kicking off her shoes as she went,

"Only saw the end, I'm afraid,"

She smiled,

"That's okay, the end's always my favourite bit anyway." He smiled back, it was always so easy with Lily, of course Potter had to ruin it.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he hissed still rooted to the spot.

"I know you'd be going away on your honeymoon, didn't know where else to find you," he put the heels of his hands into his eyes and took a deep breath in.

"Why did you need to find me?" he said with a strained voice. Severus smirked at him, he wasn't in Slytherin for nothing, and he knew that even if he knew where the raid was taking place, the chances of aurors knowing were almost zero.

"Because the aurors need to know of an attack that is going to happen." James looked up and silence fell between the two men as James took in this information.

"Should I go?" Severus blinked and looked up at Lily who was surveying them both, "should I go?" she repeated. "Yeah I'll go, I'll get out of this dress," she finished muttering to herself, walking towards the bathroom.

Once she was gone, James said slowly, "Who told you that?"

Severus rolled his eyes,

"You are aware of what an anonymous tips means Potter? It means they identity is not given away."

Potter tried to glare, "Then why don't you tell them? Or are you too scared?" he leapt off the bed, not meaning to do anything but to gage a reaction. It was successful as Potter took two steps back and tensed as Severus stepped closer.

"This had nothing to do with fear, it's just a little snag that they probably won't believe an ex-prisoner," James flinched at that, "nor are they going to believe a note. They'll believe you though, son of the infamous Harold Potter, of course they'll believe you," he said softly. Potter bit his lips as if considering it, but when he looked up, there was a flash of Gryffindor daring in his eyes.

"No, this is the start of my honeymoon and I'm not going to let it be interrupted by you," he moved past him and towards the dresser where he began taking his tie off. "Go get someone else to do your dirty work." Of course Potter was right, he could, very easily, get someone else to do it. But what Potter didn't seem to realise was that Severus liked being able to make Potter do things.

"Oh? But I thought you liked telling tales to aurors?" James froze and in his reflection, Severus could see James eyes look, over to the bathroom door. He smirked.

"Birmingham Bull ring, three days." James stood still for another five seconds, before realising he had no choice. He turned away from the dresser, gave Severus a look of pure loathing and slammed the door behind him. Lily peeked her head and when she saw it was James who had left, she groaned.

"You do realise this is meant to be my wedding night?"

"Yes and you look beautiful," he said smoothly, heading for the door as well. "Severus?" He stopped just before it, "take a portkey when it happens."

"What?" he turned around, regretting instantly as Lily had walked out of the bathroom definitely not wearing proper clothing. He screamed slightly, spinning back around as quickly as he could, "God Lily!"

She laughed, " _That's_ for making my boyfriend run errand- husband!" she corrected herself, over excitedly. "Anyway, bring a portkey to the Bullring."

He nodded, "okay."

"And Severus, it's going be okay," Severus knew that whenever Lily said that it usually wouldn't but didn't question it and left.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed and please review!


	6. Chapter 6

Hey! This the second to last chapter of part 1, I'll have a break before writing part two and then three. hope you enjoy it!

* * *

"You smell like sex," he didn't have to turn around to know who it was. He glared at Fenrir, trying to keep down his blush as he realised he hadn't had a showered that morning. Not that he was going to discuss that with his brother.

"How did you know where I was?"

"Letters," he grunted, "apparently you need a place to stay."

He opened his mouth and then closed it; he _did_ need a place to stay, now it was too awkward for him to return to Rose's flat.

"How did they know-" he looked at Fenrir, his eyes were looking at a spot behind Severus, filled with the same hungry look of that of a starving dog. Behind him were a group of people, around Severus' age all heading out for the night. He only had to look twice between the group and his brother before making his decision. "Yeah I need a place to live right now," when his brother continued to stare at the teens behind him as if they were pieces of meat, he repeated, " _Now_!"

Fenrir blinked, still looking at the teens, but said, "Yeah, okay…this way." They walked away from the hotel doors and down the darkening road.

"You never look at me like that," Severus said worried, looking at the small group,

"You jealous?" Severus shuddered, and decided to not try and make conversation with his estranged brother. They continued to walk in silence until they reached an old rusting jeep.

"You drive?" Severus said jumping into the passenger seat.

"Yeah, taught myself." Severus looked at his brother, before quickly tightening his seatbelt as Fenrir started the engine. The journey was long and Severus after a time stopped tensing, afraid Fenrir would run them into a ditch and started watching the streetlamps glow whirl past the window. In a few days time he would be in the so called Death Eaters, after that…his stomach twisted itself into knots, he could see Johanna again. He could see his daughter. He sat up, looking out of the front window; he hadn't really thought much about it, not allowing himself to imagine some wonderful dream like that. Would she like him? Would Johanna allow her to even make an opinion of him or would she try and keep her as far away from him as possible? Knowing Johanna she'd want to do what would be best for her child and keeping her away from the Death Eater did seem like the best idea. He sighed. They were going up a dirt road and coming up to a country house now. It was big and old fashioned with a barn style garage.

"I guess you'll wanna sleep in the house," Fenrir said quietly, turning off the engine.

"Yeah," he said getting out the car with him, but Fenrir shushed him.

"Wouldn't want to wake them up." He said pointing to the barn. Before Severus could question him, Fenrir abruptly said, "Well goodnight," he stepped to give Severus an unreciprocated hug and a leer worthy of Stanley, "make sure you don't step in the mess," and once again, the werewolf didn't give him a chance to speak and he turned around, heading to the barn without a backwards glance.

As soon as he opened the house door, he knew what Fenrir meant by 'mess'. The stench was enough evidence of what he would find. And as he had suspected behind the kitchen counter were two dead bodies. Their throats torn off and the flesh on their arms ripped away like meat off a dog's bone. Their eyes stared blankly, their mouths open and blood drying around their lips, like nightmarish clowns. He had started to shake as his eyes stayed glued to the bodies, unable to stop looking at where their skin had only been teared off, showing the congealing meat underneath. _She was still screaming, her body was so bloody and flagged, he would have thought her dead, if it weren't for the screaming, and constant pain filled screams._ He turned tail and ran up the stairs, panting, just looking for somewhere to sleep.

* * *

When he woke the next day, he discovered he had only been able to make it to the landing before fainting from the shrouding memories. Dust spiralled in the beams of light that had woken him, he looked at them for a few moments, watching their simple and peaceful patterns as they floated mid-air. Finally he decided it was probably not the greatest idea to stay spread out on the wooden floor. He got up, his legs still trembling slightly, he felt sweaty and dirty, covered in the grime off the floor. The bathroom was, luckily, the first room he came to. Unlike the rest of the house it was very modern and muggle. The shower was very confusing and after a bout of loud hexing and swearing, he got to a temperature he could actually stand. The water still ran brown with the dirt and grease coming from his hair, he sighed, he was never going to get it all out, it was a part of Azkaban that would seemingly stay with him forever. Like his mind, he shook his head, in a childish attempt to remove the pain and sorrow that now lived permanently at the forefront of his mind. _'_ _Pathetic excuse for a life,'_ he shook his head again, his father was dead, he shouldn't be able to still haunt him and yet…he turned the water off and stepped out of the shower, he never cared much about personal hygiene but the clothes he was wearing smelt of sweat and, like Fenrir said, sex. But still, he felt it would be rude to go digging through someone else's clothes, even if they were dead. He shuddered, putting on the shirt, followed by the hoodie. Out of one of its pockets fell his wand, he blinked, he had put it in there yesterday morning but after two years of not using magic he didn't feel so dependent on it. He picked it up, it was a new wand, his old one having been snapped when he went into Azkaban, it had been badly made as well, made by an official ministry wand maker instead of one of the great masters. He could get a new one if he got a job or perhaps guilt trip Potter out of more money, but it wouldn't be the same. He had trusted his old one and had used it for everything; this one felt like it was someone else's, like it didn't belong in his hand. He pointed it at the clothes still on the floor, "Limpiar." They feebly moved slightly and when he picked them up, they did smell slightly better, but not as clean as they would if the spell had come from his real wand. The one they snapped. He felt his heart clench and tried to hide the pitiful emotions behind his shields. He had always been better at legilimency than occulemency. Heading down the stairs he tried to avoid to look over to where the bodies were, pretending that they weren't there. _'_ _Coward,'_ he heard as he strode from the house. The sun was just peeking over the hill of fields and the birds were twittering from some nest he couldn't see. The whole place gave an aura of a simpler life he couldn't have, like nothing could touch it, not even a war. He sighed, heading toward the barn, where Fenrir had slept the night before. He pulled the door open by its rope handle. Inside were mountains of hay to match the hatch roof, in two heaps of straw lay two forms both too small to be Fenrir. _"_ _Try not to wake them,"_ his wand was out and pointing at the bare-chested werewolf.

"Hey, hey, didn't mean to scare you," he said, moving back an amused smirk on his face.

"Who are they?" he hissed, gesturing with his wand to the sleeping children.

"They're my pack, seeing as my real one buggered off." 'You were the one that left, not us,' he wanted to snap, but arguing wouldn't get them anyway.

He sighed lowering his wand, "In a couple of days, I'll see them, I'll make sure they're okay,"

"I guess then this Voldemort will rent you a room, huh?" Fenrir raised an eyebrow a look of disapproval on face.

"I need to look after them," he lied smoothly, "because they're my pack." Fenrir sighed.

"Pack," he echoed. Severus was starting to think his brother was less human and more like a wolf that could talk.

"I can't believe you killed them." Severus said, thinking of the bodies in the kitchen, again looking over at the two children, both under ten years old, with blonde hair, curled up in balls in the hay.

"From what I've heard, you've killed more." Severus still looked down at the children and thought of what Lucie had said to him and realised he was probably going to have to murder again.

* * *

After spending three days in the country side the city air smelt of dirt and fuel. He had been standing against the brown bull statue for nearly two hours, but he knew he wasn't the only one. There were several others standing around looking like normal bystanders to someone who wasn't trying to look for them. He couldn't tell if they were aurors or Death Eaters, but he recognised none of them.

He was on the floor, his ears ringing before he had even had time to realise the glass windows beside him had exploded. He was covered in shards of glass and the arm he had landed on was throbbing, but he ignored it and jumped back to his feet, wand in one hand, portkey in the other. Muggles were screaming running to find escape, but soon realising they were trapped in an invisible bubble. The Death Eaters, standing in front of the shopping centre, in their masks, were trying to making their way towards the Muggles, however were having to fight their way through Aurors that they hadn't expected to be there. A Death Eater spotted him and shot a curse at him which he had to avoid by hiding behind the bull. The sent a jelly-legs jinx back and decided to make a run for it. An Aurors had stupidly cast a reducto at the overhead roof, and blocks of steel were crashing between the two groups. Severus stayed close to the buildings, watching the chaotic back and forth hexing. Once he'd made his way to the Death Eaters side, he was spotted by a shorter Death Eater, who sent an orange jinx at him and sent him fly back towards the wall. Thankfully he hadn't been that far away from it, but his wand had been sent flying out of his hand. The young man ran towards him, but was intersected by an Auror, who, in the heat of battle, had seemed to have forgotten he was a wizard. He threw punches at the Death Eater underneath, as Severus scrambled up and grabbed his wand. He had to gain their trust somehow, and so he pointed his wand at the Auror. But the white flash of light from the wand of a taller hooded Death Eater, stopped him. The Auror was pushed off the man's body underneath him. Severus had to do someone, anything to stop them from attacking him, to gain their trust.

"Avada Kevdra!" The man had been on all fours, on his way to get up when the spell hit, he fell to the floor, like a puppet cut from its strings. Severus didn't have time to take in his actions fully, as wands of the two men were now trained on him. He held up the spoon portkey, shouting over the spells being shouted across the battlefield. "Do you want to live?" The first one to attack him seemed to still want to kill him, but the taller one grabbed both their hands and entwined them around the handle of the spoon.

"Activate!"

He had had the portkey set to a back alley of the city centre, far away enough for them not to be found but not too far away, that was too powerful for his new wand to do. He got up before the two Death Eaters could do so, panting from the battle. They stayed lying on the ground, more exhausted than he was, their masks still on. Severus knew that this was very dangerous; he'd made enough enemies amongst purebloods for these two Death Eaters to kill him on sight. The shorter one of the two took off his mask and threw it away from himself and Severus groaned, it was Regulus Black, of course he'd recuse a Black. He was looking up at Severus with the purest loathing but seemed unable to get up off the floor.

"Reg, listen to me, I didn't do it." Regulus turned on to his front and started to stumble up, " _I didn't_ ," he dived just in time to avoid being hit by a flash of purple light. It had been weak, but Regulus shot dark curse after dark curse at him, barely aiming. He took his own wand, "Expelliarmus." Regulus easily deflected it but it gave Severus a chance to stand up. Regulus sent spell after spell at him, putting Severus on the defence. The different colours of spells were blinding him and as Regulus regained his strength the spells became stronger so though he deflected them, Severus could feel their power run up his arm. Suddenly they stopped, Severus kept his wand up warily, as his eyes were still recovering from the bright flashes of light. He blinked a couple of times before being able to see that the other Death Eater had gotten off of the floor and was restraining Regulus. He still had his mask on, but Severus could hear clearly the voice of Evan Rosier saying,

"Shh, it's ok, calm down sweetie, calm down." Regulus looked like he was doing nothing of the sort, his handsome features scrunched up and red with fury. He was fighting adamantly against Evan, as he continued to try and calm him down while Severus just stayed panting against the wall, wand still tightly in hand. He knew it was a dangerous risk being here out in the open where any muggle could stumble upon them or worse, a wizard.

"Please Reg, you have to believe me," he said, trying to speed everything up so they'd be able to move.

"Why?" he spat harshly. Severus knew that he couldn't use their old friendship as a shield like he had with Lucie.

"You know why they let me out… because I couldn't have committed them all. I couldn't have been at them all at the same time,"

"You poisoned her!" he said renewing his struggling in Evan's arms, "you knew everything about potions!"

"And they managed to get a witness account minutes after each murder! Reg I didn't do it!" he finished pleading, hands outwards in surrender. But Reg wasn't listening and had finally broken Evan's grip and lunged forward, throwing Severus to the ground. He knelt on top of him, hands at his throat. He made an undignified squawk noise, but soon recovered croaking, "I know you loved your cousin, she was a brilliant kid and I'm sorry, but I didn't kill her." Regulus stayed still for the longest time, his hands still strangling Severus. "I saved your life...you owe...me." Finally, Regulus let go of his neck and Severus rolled onto his side. Regulus sighed and looked at his in disgust but reached down to help pick him up.

"Thank you," he said breathlessly, steadying himself on his feet.

"You saved us," Evan said incredously, still with his mask on.

"I heard that that was the only way to get in." Evan and Regulus shared a look

"Lucie," Evan muttered.

"Why would you want in? I thought you were friends with those Mudbloods." Severus chose to ignore that.

"Dumbledore, he asked me to join, to be his spy." His old friends looked at him in shock. "But if he thinks that I'm going to work for him, after he sentenced me, to life in prison, he's got another thing coming," he finished harshly. Regulus stared intensely down at the floor in confusion; Evan took his silver mask off and, like Regulus, threw it to the ground. His face was slightly redder than his hair and glistening with sweat.

"Then," he swallowed, "then what are you planning on doing?" Regulus looked up unable to hide his curiousness.

"Take me to your Lord and I'll tell you."


	7. Chapter 7

Hey! This is the final chapter of part 1! Hopefully you'll like it :). Anyway, enjoy and review!

 

They waited around until it was dark. Apparently neither Regulus nor Evan knew where their 'master' was until their marks burnt. Evan's told him this as if talking about Master and marks burning was a normal thing, probably was to him, and soon would be for him too. He swallowed the bile that was threatening to come up his throat. His old friends had believed him, thank God, partly because it was true, if he was doing this for himself he probably would have joined Voldemort just out of spite. But he wasn't doing this for him. Regulus was glaring at him right now, sitting against the opposite wall to where Severus was. His wand had mysteriously disappeared, possibly now in Evan's possession, who was putting up wards up to stop them being stumbled upon. When he was done he slumped down beside Severus.

"Why did you let me speak?" Severus asked quietly, Evans didn't answer immediately, but moved into a more comfortable position and brushed his red frizzy hair out of his eyes.

"I was actually there when they took you away," he muttered finally, looking away from Severus embarrassed, "I heard you screaming, even if you had done it…you seemed sorry."

"So you think I did do it?"

Evan shrugged,

"I don't know what to think. But if you said you didn't…" he trailed off, looking at Regulus who was trying to kill Severus with his eyes, "do you know who did?"

"I wish people would stop asking that question,"

"You don't know?"

He shook his head, "I thought Regulus was still in school?" he said, changing the subject, if Evan noticed it, he didn't say anything.

"His parents are…'home schooling' him, it's their excuse to allow him serve the Dark Lord, they're very proud," he said, almost mockingly.

"But you're not?"

"Its…" he didn't seem to be able to find the right word, "he's seventeen," his voice wobbled. Evan had always been the mother hen of Slytherin, he could be sly and practically destructive if you got on his wrong side, but mostly he just cared too much for his friends. They fell into silence as darkness fell and the street lights flickered and buzzed above them.

"Ouch!" Evan grabbed his left arm wincing as Regulus, across the alley, was gritting his teeth to stop himself from crying out. Severus stayed still, helpless, watching his friends withering until, finally, they fell back, panting slightly.

"We have to go." Severus swallowed but was unable to move the lump in his throat, this was it, and this was it. Evan helped him up and held onto his arm and held onto Regulus' waist with his other arm. The sensation of apparation didn't help the feeling of sickness in his stomach, but he kept himself upright when he landed in the dark room. It looked to be a pureblood manor, judging by the bulls rubbing up the walls in engravments, he guessed it was an Avery's. All around them more were apparating, wearing masks like Evan and Reg. Lucie could be there or his brother, even if they were they gave him no sign, it was just a faceless circle. In front of him was the only other person who wasn't wearing a mask. There was a muttering going throughout the ring of people, possibility about him, but it stopped when the man lifted his grey skeletal hand and beckoned him forward. Evan gave him a little push as his legs felt like lead.

"Kneel," the man hissed, sounding more like a snake than a man. Severus blushed slightly, feeling silly having to kneel in front of so many. "Do you know who I am, Severus Snape?" Severus became very self-conscious, he supposed it was possible that someone had told this man his name, but even so it was very hard to stop himself raising his occulemency shields any more than he had. He looked up at the face underneath the hood and black eyes met snake ones.

"I'm guessing you're Voldemort," pain. Everywhere he felt pain; his bones being crushed into dust, his eyes being plucked away piece by piece, his blood boiling burning his muscles and cooking his stomach and when there was nothing left of his body to torture him, the pain continued. After a lifetime under the spell it stopped, Severus left panting and sobbing on the floor, no sign of damage on his body.

"I am the Dark Lord," hissed the voice from above him, but his eyes were too blurry to make out the face. "Get up," he stumbled onto his knees and then, unsure of Voldemort's instructions he tried to stand. A hand on his head stopped him; it was cold and clammy and made him want to throw up.

"Do you believe you could be of use to me?" Severus not trusting his voice nodded. "How?" Severus took several deep breaths before being confident enough to actually speak the words.

"Dumbledore. He wanted me to spy against you and to put me into his order, I'll know everything about their plans." He stopped there, knowing that if he spoke anymore he'd probably pass out. Voldemort offered no comments nor asked any questions, he just took Severus' left arm and pressed his wand into it. He didn't know if this was worse or better than the Cruciatus. It was only in his left arm but it was real, the burning sensation in his arm was not the creation in his mind by the spell, he could see it blackening as it burnt and could smell the burning flesh, this time he did vomit and the Cruciatus curse was on him again. It was on longer this time, until Severus, in his pained mind, started to believe that there only ever been pain and the life before was just something his insane mind had made up. It stopped and Severus was left as a shaking mess, the circle was unmoving, more like a wall than a circle of actual people. None of them moved, he could feel no sympathy from the thoughts in the air, only fear. 'Cowards,' he thought, 'and you're not,' said a voice, it sounded like hers. He stopped shaking, he wouldn't let her see him, 'get up and thank him, it's what he wants, strong, loyalpeople,' he somehow managed to get onto his knees without passing out.

"Thank you…my Dark Lord," the words felt strange on his tongue but he knew better than to risk the Cruciatus again, Voldemort's feet moved into his line of vision.

"Perhaps you are of use," he said quietly, so only Severus could hear. He kept his head bowed until a hand pulled his head up, again it made him want to throw up, even though he was kneeling in the entire content of his stomach. "Return to Dumbledore, tell him you have…fooled me and tell him what you saw and experienced here. No names accept one." Severus could hear the loathing in his voice when he said, "Tom Riddle. We will complete your induction at the next meeting." The hand left his hair and Severus took it as a que to leave. Mustering what he had left, he rose panting and turned on the spot, praying he'd get to his destination before he passed out.

 

He didn't want to wake up. The warmth surrounding him was too intoxicating to give up but the light on his eyelids forced him into consciousness. He was in the Hogwarts hospital ward the light shining through the open windows, he could hear children chatting and laughing in the ground and for one wild moment he thought that it had all been some crazy nightmare. But his illusion was shattered when he sat up and saw the bandages on his left arm. Though the bandage was thick he could still see the dull red of blood through them. His hand trembled as he started to pull at the bandage tearing it away from his skin until he revealed the bloody, angry skin. It was like Lucie's, an ugly dark tattoo of a skull and snake, but it was different on his skin. It was going to stay on his skin forever, the mark of someone else, it would burn and torture him and there was nothing he could do. That didn't mean he didn't try, his fingertips started scratching at the mark, hoping if he pulled off the layer of skin, the last few years of his life could be reversed because nothing was worth what that skull and snake on his arm meant, not even Johanna and her child. Why would they even want to see him now? The skin was wet and slippery under his fingers, but he didn't stop until he felt the satisfying pain and saw a slight red haze in front of his eyes. Hands were on him, pulling his two arms apart, he tried to stop but he felt so weak, he struggled against the forced sleepiness but eventually gave in, hoping that he'd be lucky it was death that was taking him. When he woke up again he had new thicker bandages on and was in a foggy daze, someone must have given him a calming draught. And he wasn't alone this time either, Dumbledore sat beside him. He said nothing to him, just stared at him like he was a young child who had scraped their knee, 'do you know what I've been through for you, for your greater good? Perhaps you do, you just don't care.' The tension in the warded area was broken as Madam Pomfrey walked in.

"Ah you're awake," she said curtly, walking over to Severus bedside and running him over with typical medical exam spells he'd seen her do a hundred times. "All ribs healed," she muttered to herself, "Pelvis healed, tissue damage… healed." He wondered if he had got those injuries in the battle or at the hands of Vol- his bones being crushed into dust, his eyes being plucked away piece by piece –the dark lord.

"Will he be able to leave soon?" Dumbledore asked quietly.

"Yes as long as he keeps his bandages on this time," she turned to glare at him but in her eyes he saw a sparkle of fear, he was come over once again with a great urge to rip off his own skin. "But as long as he gets some rest, he's free to go." He rolled his eyes that had always been her cure for everything.

"Thank you Poppy," Dumbledore stood up and drew his wand, Severus tensed searching wildly around him for his own, "you understand what I'm about to do Poppy?" He looked up seeing the wand wasn't pointing at him but at Madam Pomfrey. His heart clenched, despite all the harsh words he'd spoken to her since the first time he was brought into the wing, he actually quite liked the nurse.

"I do," she said stiffly and somewhat exasperated, "as I probably did the last time you did this."

Dumbledore smiled slightly before muttering, "Oblivate." her eyes went blank, and with another flick of his wand, Dumbledore sent her on her way out. He sat back down as Severus tried to control himself inside as well as he was outside, 'she's ok, its fine, its fine,' the calming draught helped bring his heart beat back to its normal pace.

"My boy-" Dumbledore started quietly, but Severus didn't want his pity, so spoke over him,

"He has accepted me into his ranks as a spy against you, he wanted you to know what I went through to get the mark," he twitched his left arm, "but I doubt you'll want to hear the gruesome details, he also wanted me to tell you a name." He turned to watch Dumbledore's expression, "Tom Riddle," Dumbledore looked down at his arms, "know of him?"

"He was a student who went astray," he looked up, piercing, twinkling blue eyes making Severus turn away. "Any other names?" 'Evan, Reg, Lucie, all my friends and family in short,' he shook his head,

"They all wore masks, and…he was the only one to speak," but he imagined Dumbledore was smarter than that so, once again spoke over him. "I've kept my promise," he whispered harshly, "now it's your turn," Dumbledore leaned back and observed him with a business like stare.

"Very well," he said, "they are expecting you to be staying with them," he said fiddling for something in his pocket, "I told them that something…was wrong with your house." The man had the audacity to give him a smile as he pulled out a battered old wrist watch. "I think it'd be best if I went with you," he said holding one end of the portkey out to Severus. Severus tried his best to hide his anticipation as he took hold. He felt a pull at his navel and somehow managed to keep his footing when he landed again. It was a hallway, with a wooden panel floor and plasterboard walls. Its light colours gave an all-round brightness to the place but to Severus it seemed like the most daunting five foot passage way he'd ever been in, and he grew up in a house without windows. At the end was a door and through it he could hear muffled voices. He would have debated turning back as doubt seeped into his mind, if it wasn't for Dumbledore's presence behind him. He walked forward, drawing his wand, knowing Black would be here somewhere, ready to hex him. But when he turned the handle, there was no Black in sight. He was in the doorway of a bright kitchen that seemed to be battling over order and chaos. Shelves of colour coded foods above scattered books and magazines. Polished, dust free floors, covered in building blocks. A happy gurgle caught his attention. She had his hair, short black hair, mostly held back by a headband but a small lanky strand fell into her eyes. Other things were clearly Johanna; hazel eyes, colour filled skin and short button nose. Everything else was filled in with the soft round features of a toddler. Severus was unable to process what his eyes were showing him, what he'd done all this for this child, to see this child. He felt every emotion he could at once. Fear, of having fatherhood thrust upon him, disappointment and sadness as he realised he couldn't raise her, anger at what Potter Black and Dumbledore had taken away from him. But most shocking of all, was the relief, relief he could see her, see she was safe. It wasn't happiness but it burned strongly inside of him as if it was. She smiled a toothless smile at him and he couldn't stop himself smiling back.


End file.
